I have an extremely selective memory, on top of a short term one. But some things, most of them mundane, stick out so vividly that I keep asking myself why my brain chose to remember them the best. For instance, my siblings and I used to carpool with some neighbors. On a drive back from school, I distinctly remember being in the backseat as the girl drove us home (she had her learner's permit). She was driving too closely to the yellow line towards the curb, so her dad said, "Jennifer - don't get too close to that yellow line!" And her reply, "WELL... at least I'm not close to the white lines!" Why oh WHY I can recall that specific moment, I'll never know. And it's frustrating because I feel like I've lost so many wonderful memories that I only miss once I've been reminded of them in FULL detail by a friend. Another moment (one in which pertains to this blog), was a line spoken by one of my closest friends in college. If someone asked how my life was going then, I normally would respond with, "I'm content!" I thought that would portray the fact that I was happy in my life (and I was...). One day though, we were talking and she said she never wanted to be just 'content.' For her, contentment meant settling - meant that you weren't living your life to its fullest. Sure enough, definition of 'content' is: "satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, etc, and not wishing for more."
Being content might be ok for some. But not me. I agree with my friend. I never want to be just 'content.' I'll always want to reach higher in life and I'll always wish for more. Never in the materialistic sense, ever. But trying to soak up everyday and living life to the fullest. Which is why I'm leaving New York, for now at least. I know what's here. A summertime 'conventional job' where it's too hot out and my back is sweating before I even reach the subway. Er, no thanks. I would be content though, just living in the city, enjoying the parks (on my days off...), drinking with my friends in the beer gardens, and living in NYC for the glory of saying I live in NYC... Contentment.
I'm breaking the pattern, stepping out of this mold I've crafted for myself since I was a little girl. I never want to settle into a life where I'm content (ok, well at least not until I'm old and have retired here!!: http://www.fincabellavista.net/faq.htm
hahaha!!). I want to be challenged. I want to understand as many things with my eyes, my ears, nose, hands and feet while I can! I want to go on adventures. I want more moments that my brain can actually remember...
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This is EXACTLY how I feel! Even when starting my own company, everyone close to me pointed out that I was content in my current jobs, and starting a company might be stressful...I looked at most of them and replied "Oh, you DO get it," which threw them for a loop. Not to mention I'm right with you on needing to travel and experience life to it's fullest. So, good for you! Montana will be a different kind of adventure, but I know it will be worth it to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, MK! Let every day surprise you in it's own way :o)
ReplyDeleteDoes your short term memory remember that family trip to Teotihuacan when your brother farted and your mum asked if someone had "passed gas"... and I had to be explained what "passing gas" meant!
Or our spinning classes?! Or how we walked miles in Paris to find a wrinkly scarf like the ones the girls at your acting camp wore? xox, D.